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I just told my cat “you’re not the boss of me,” but that’s wrong- I’m basically his cook, nurse, housekeeper and forensic accountant.

Say what you will about the movie “Red,” I appreciate Helen Mirren changing from high heels to boots before the shooting starts.

The best/worst excuse for an auto repair that exceeds the estimated time: “When we looked at it, there were a bunch bolts missing.”

You’d think the waiting room at an orthopedic surgeon’s office would have someplace to put your feet up, but no.

I’m a little disappointed when I find my car keys, because it means time travelers from the future were not trying to prevent my death.

I don’t think an actual king has ever ridden in a king cab. Well, maybe Larry King.

After only 15 years I finally got the phrase “If you’re not part of the solution,you’re part of the precipitate.” Fucking chemistry jokes…